Threesome

Dabbaang! Dabbang! Dabbang!
The 3D sound was more than enough to wake  K.M. Qui Than (Koran Makan Kunhi Thevan) up from his deep slumber.
He rubbed his eyes, as was the practice.
Yawned, as was the tradition.
Looked around in disbelief, as was the convention.
Checked time and date: 12:12:12, 12-12-12.
Maya or Mayan, the world has not changed -- it's still flat.
People have not stopped eating Vadra mangoes.
Going bananas -- a fruit that has an embedded  peel-eat-throw-fall facility -- continues to be a major sporting event.
I-Am-Anna brigade has developed a snake tongue, one for Mein Aap Hai. 
Economy is still the mythical Vada-less-hole  for PIIGS and BRICs.
He vaguely remembers the night he went into an unintentional sleep.
Caught off-guard by big breasts, wide hips?
"Memories and memorabilia fare better when showcased," the claustrophobic Naga Sanyasis will tell the world this Kumbh Mela, he noted as he reached out to pick some leftovers -- a piece of ants-wrapped  Lifeless Pie, and a grounded Kingfisher bottle.
A Holy fart escaped his clogged intestines.
The hidden sensors started belting out Gangnam style.
Pollution Board officials huddled together for drafting an emergency press release. 
Who was with me that fateful long night? Qui Than scratched his head.
And, what really happened?
He sent a summons message to Swaravahini, the quintessential nose-for-breakingnews expert, under Section 66.
(He surreptitiously added a three to it with a wry smile).
Three knocks at the door interrupted the beep of  'message delivery report' announcing the arrival of Mayamohini.
"See what I have brought you for break fast. Steamed tapioca seasoned with rape seed (grown in National Capital Territory) and smashed green chilly," she beamed.
"Were you in Sirince," he asked.
(Sirince in Turkey is said to be the site from which the Virgin Mary ascended to heaven. So considered a safe haven on Doomsday).
"No," she said.
"Promotions, scheduled or unscheduled, can't frighten me," she smiled and added: "I had held ground even when Sandy pulled my legs. I don't have to take refuge anywhere."
"I need proof, more proof, and more and more proof," he said.
"Daivi hyesa gunamayi mama maya duratyaya...," she chanted.
(Celestial maya of God with its threefold attributes is very complex. Yet, those who worship God are able to conquer it).
"Numbers matter," he countered and added "even illusions have three modes of external energy. It's not sure whether bullet, snow, or wild dogs, did the trick."
"Surrender before me," she said.
It sounded not like an order to Qui Than, but an invitation.
"But," he stammered meekly: "Authenticity is necessary."
"No need of looking behind, forward, we want infinite energy, infinite courage, infinite patience. Forward, Forward," she whispered ecstatically.
The background music was Phir Mile Sur Tumhara...
He felt the uncoiling of his strength from the base of his spinal chord. He saw a star, bright and shining. Three wise men will soon embark on a journey. Suddenly, he understood the meaning of yoga nidra. 
"Buon Natale," he murmured.
(Celebrating Christmas in Italy is the flavour of the season).
And installing himself under a coconut tree on Fort Kochi-Muziris beach, Koran,  who fathered Qui Than, smiled: The WET (World Ends Today) AAPs is working according to his manipulations.
(To be continued)