Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Security concerns

An emergency meeting of the Kanjikuzhi Village Panchayat held under the big banyan tree at midnight, this day, resolves to shift the venue of the International Kabadi League from the usual temple grounds to a suitable and more secure place considering the perceived threat to its peaceful conduct following the chief security officer, Head Constable, of the village panchayat going on leave for an undisclosed number of days and elections to its Wards clashing with the dates of the event.

Point of Order raised by the Leader of the Opposition regarding venues overruled.

The honourable Village Panchayat President clarifies that the venue will be kept a secret till the tournament is over as a counter strategy to outsmart any terrorist move to sabotage the mega event.

The number of clubs participating in the event will be restricted to two as a measure to bring down the expenses in the times of recession. Each participating team should restrict the number of players to one.

(The Village Panchayat Secretary has suggested that they can play any number of innings under different team names so as to bring down the cost).

Suggestion accepted.

But there will not be any reduction in the number of officials accompanying the teams as attempts to do so will ultimately affect the smooth conduct of the event and also the comfort levels of the players. Cheer leaders will have priority in terms of accommodation, food and travel.

(The Village Panchayat Secretary expresses his willingness to take up the responsibility of managing officials and cheer leaders).

Administrative sanction accorded.

Live telecast of the event will not be allowed for security reasons but commentary is permitted.

(The Village Panchayat Secretary suggests setting up of a commentary box at the Village Panchayat office itself irrespective of where the matches are held since chances of visuals contradicting spoken words are nill. It will save on expenditure).

Suggestion accepted.

Point of order by the Leader of the Opposition on the list of participants, officials, cheer leaders and audience overruled. He sneezes, weeps and walks out of the meeting (for a cup of tea).

Sneezing and weeping are un parliamentary and hence to be removed from the records.

The honourable Village Panchayat President clarifies that the Leader of the Opposition is free to accompany the teams. He walks in (with bajji, bonda).

It is resolved that all annual events such as International Jallikettu League, International Uthrattathi Vallomkali League, International Vadomvali League, International Dusserah League, International Holi League, International Deepavali League and International Indian Union Muslim League, hereafter, will be held at undisclosed and more secure venues.

To ensure the security of each villager of the Kanjikuzhi Village Panchayat, manifestos will be distributed free of cost before and after the elections.

(Panchayat Secretary says to cut down cost, copies of manifestoes be pasted on the banyan tree itself instead of distributing them).
Suggestion noted; decision to be taken at a later stage.

The revenue generated from these events will be equally distributed between the Village Panchayat President, the Village Panchayat President and the Village Panchayat President and the V....

Nothing more could be heard as angry and agitated members shouts out the president. The meeting adjourns sine die.

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